Tag: fishing humour

Five More Fishing Quotations and Sayings – 5 September 2014

They just keep coming – 5 more fishing quotations and sayings bring the total to 1215.

“Fly tying – The art of attaching feathers, fur, wool, and silk to a tiny hook to create artificial lures that imitate insects, a skill easily mastered by anyone who can peel a grape blindfolded with a pair of tweezers and a butter knife while wearing oven mitts.” – Number 1211

“Early on I decided that fishing would be my way of looking at the world. First it taught me to look at rivers.  Lately it has been teaching me how to look at people, myself included.” Thomas McGuane  – Number 1212

“In my opinion, fishing then becomes a mirror which reflects all of our being and our values in life – and in return our values determine how we fish. One goes into the other and the boundaries merge… Doing becomes being and being becomes doing; a magic circle with no beginning or end and our hearts always standing where they belong – directly in the centre.” Lani Waller –  Number 1213

“There is nothing so gone as a lost fish!” – Number 1214

“To say it was all just a matter of catching fish would be like saying that astronomy is nothing more than noticing the stars.” Harry Middleton – number 1215

See all 1215 here.

Five New Fishing Quotations and Sayings: Jul 24 2013

Here we go with some wit and wisdom wrapped around fishing – quote numbers 1151 – 1155.

“I can think of nothing material that has been substantively improved for the angler in the past fifty years, except his waders”
– Gordon Wickstrom, Late in an Angler’s Life

“The choice between the rainbow – often easier to hook and harder to land, and the brown – always harder to hook and sometimes easier to land, is a matter of taste and style, and there are no rights and wrongs in the matter.”
– Te Ara Encyclopedia of New Zealand

“One man’s fish is another man’s poisson” 
– Hoo Izit

“Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won’t feel so thankful then.”
– Garrison Keillor

“When I die, I want one of life’s great mysteries revealed to me: if some slob can carry a full 12 ounce can of beer half a mile to stream, why the hell can’t he carry it out when it is empty?”
– R. Chad Chorney, Blood Knot Magazine

Now 1155 fishing quotations here.

Muddy Waters – Of Mud, Mothers, Eels and the Boy

Reading the story in my last post about a big eel attacking a trout here in New Zealand reminded me that the first story I ever wrote for New Zealand Fishing News magazine was about eels.

It was written about 22 years ago – don’t time fly! It was pretty well received way back then, so maybe it is time for a re-run. Have a read here

Assorted Fishy Weirdness

Is there something in the water? Is there an outbreak of strangeness? Your guess is as good as mine.

Crotch lobster

Oh my. While some folks are hard at work designing new marine protected areas for southern California, others are shoving lobsters down their pants. Stealing lobsters isn’t particularly difficult — wardens say it’s one of the most common poaching …

Mysterious fish said to eat people in India

It’s called a goonch, and it’s a catfish that can get really big and is said to be eating people in India and Nepal. The story is strange. The goonch probably started down the path of eating people by scavenging bodies disposed in rivers in the area,…

Holy Lures!

One of the most amazing fishing tackle stories of all-time centers on a group of Franciscan nuns in Ohio who decided to go into the tackle business. Calling their lures “St. Peter’s Fishing Lures,” they manufactured and sold a line of 16 different …

Trouser Trout Marketing

The Levi’s “unleash your beast” campaign encourages web users to create and share with friends animated images of phallic creatures popping out of 501 jeans. The American Decency Association is calling for a boycott.

Flyfishmagazine: Dont be that guy….

A story for all fishermen, salt and fresh water……

Via MaineToday comes a story of fly fishing conversation etiquette. I think we all have met that guy…
“I caught a 22-inch rainbow yesterday,” he offered, with nothing else. I could see he was waiting for me to, pardon the pun, take the bait.
He waited a few seconds, maybe 10, and took a quick puff of his cigarette.
“Not here, you know.”
I just nodded, and he puffed again.

He then went into a long litany of where he’d been fishing, how many fish he’d caught and how long they all were. To hear him tell it, he’d filled an entire wall with trophy-sized mounts — all from the last six days!
He caught a brown out of China Lake. “You know that’s open, right?”
He caught splake by the bucketful near Bingham. “They’re all, like, 15-24 inches up there.”
And then there was the rainbow.
“Oh, they’re biting all right. You just got to know where to go.”

I guess the only fisherman I hate to be accosted by as much as the guy above is the old, “Ya should ‘av been  here yesterday” guy, who then proceeds to tell you in meticulous detail, why. Just what you need when the fishing today is hard.

Don’t Be That Guy

Promises, Promises

Paul, my brother-in-law is, a very keen fisherman and hunter. He does the fishing report on a local radio station. He also works in a tackle shop. Which is where I visited him an hour or so ago.

I was hoping he would tell me he had a bunch of mallard feathers, as promised, from his shoot on the duck-shooting opening day a couple of weeks ago.

He greeted me with a reminder of an article I wrote a year or two ago about the dangers of promising someone, anyone, a feed of fish. It is a certain way of ensuring no fish. So it was for Paul – he was skunked for the first time in over 30 years shooting.

So no ducks for Paul, no mallard feathers for poor old Bish. But all is not lost, you might get a chuckle, (and a warning) out of the Promises, Promises article.

Milly and Ted’s Big Day Out Fishing – a bit of humour

Over the sixty plus years I have been fishing I have seen many funny things happen, but for some reason, launching a boat at the boat ramp seems to produce the most funny incidents; most as in number and most as in high giggle factor.

A few years ago myself and a number of others watched one of life’s little dramas unfold on a ramp, and it stuck in the back of my mind for a long time. There just had to be a story behind the story of what transpired on the ramp, so here it is…

They’d ‘had words’. Their faces and body language told the story, even to a casual observer.

Milly’s face puckered into that ‘I was weaned on gherkin’ look, that some women practise to perfection. She stared out to sea, her mind a seething riot, as it reviewed events leading to this situation.

At the top of the boat ramp, Ted stomped about the boat, preparing for the trip. His jaw was clamped, his nostrils flared.

Yes, definitely, trouble at mill. Trouble that began brewing two weekends ago.

Ted was preparing his boat and fishing gear, ready for an early start the following morning. Milly, watching his eager work, fired the first shot, “You think more of that boat and fishing gear, than you do me.” Ted, realising that full-blown hostilities could erupt at any moment, raised the truce flag, “Don’t be silly Milly, you know I love fishing, and it should be a good day tomorrow. That’s why I’m excited.”

The truce held for 3 or 4 minutes, so Ted was beginning to think the truce might hold, when Milly fired another shot. “You used to take me fishing, but you never do now.” Ted thought, “That was thirty years ago, before we had kids, and she said she didn’t really like fishing, and she made me put on bait and take fish off hooks, and, and…’

Ted thought that, but instead said, “Would you like to come fishing the weekend after next?” It just popped out, and there was no way of taking it back.

Milly pounced, “Oh, really? I’d love to.”

 There it was, set in concrete…..continued here.